Is it?

"I prefer young people" 

He doesn't realize the effect that the words have on me. We all will be in that place : old. As I was saying in a previous post, I believe in karma and having this attitude towards old people can't bring anything good.

It will probably be a time when I will stop people on the street to talk with them and I will try to share some of my wisdom (I hope that I will gather some until then)... I would like that instead of having a "She's the crazy old woman who talks with whoever listens" reaction, people would actually stop, smile and truly listen to what I have to say.

I would like to tell him the ancient line "Who doesn't have elder figures, should buy some" but I stop, because I know that the older person he is talking about isn't such a nice presence. Who am I to tell him that kindness comes from the heart and it should be for everybody.

I remember that not so many years ago I had a very bad reaction at my parents advices. How wrong was I... Instead of appreciating what they had to say, I was seeing myself as the person who knew best. I was just a teenager. Now I have my ears wide open to any words that my mom or my dad have for me. I try to listen first and act after. 

I know that probably some of you won't understand... but wisdom comes with age...

Future?

After hearing my sister saying the terrible words "Cata, don't you realize that this year I will turn 28!" I make a fast calculation in my mind, as sqrt(cos(x))*cos(200 x)+sqrt(abs(x))-0.7)*(4-x*x)^0.01... to see what's my age and when I finally have my result I ... I am shocked! 

I will be 27 years old, this October. 27. It seemed like yesterday I had 20 years old and the whole world was at my feet. Now I am almost 27 and I can't see myself in 5 years. I mean I can see myself professionally speaking : still washing dishes!! (Let's hope I don't jinx my future, cause I would really hate to have as one of  my top stories : "Today was a good day.. Didn't break any glass!"... )

Now seriously talking, I am 26, going on 27 and no future plans. I think one of my common lines lately is "I will die alone and my dogs will eat me because nobody will call to see if i'm alright... and because nobody will find my body they will think that I eloped in some foreign country with a beautiful stranger... I eloped because I finally realized that being married isn't the worse thing that can happen to a couple... And they would be so wrong, cause I would be in the belly of my dogs... My 10 dogs... ". Why do I have this terrible thoughts? Cause I want to have many dogs :))). No, it's because I can't see myself being as committed as somebody should be in order to have a relationship. 

My sister starts laughing at seeing my concentrated face and she tells me in between the HaHaHas "You know you will die forever alone, don't you"

A tear almost bursts into the corner of my eye. The smallest violin of the world is finally playing for me... FUUUCK!

Are you straight?

"Are u straight?"

At hearing the question a mountain of thoughts popped into my mind. I never spoke with this guy, except the usual "Hi". And I know I don't look as my best in this environment, but let's face it, who would wear their good clothes or high heels at washing dishes? There's one situation in which I would do that and it implies a cute guy who's telling very good jokes near me! But in a 6 hour washing dishes job I swear I wouldn't get near my high heels. Or would I... Again it would be necessary a VERY good looking guy that has some top of the mountain jokes! I would come with my sexy blouse if ... Oh wait... I'm still staring at the guy and a voice delivers back into my head the "straight" question. Don't I look straight? I mean maybe that's THE answer of my failures in finding a guy. Maybe I don't look straight. But still, I think it should be pretty stupid for a guy to think that I'm "on the other side" and not try to do something something. Cause let's face it "three some" wouldn't be a big deal for someone who isn't straight. It's not such a big deal for straight people... Oh.. yes it is! Probably it's a big deal for gays too. But for bi. But he didn't ask me if I was bi... DAMN! I think he had enough of staring. 

"Hmmm... Usually I try to walk as straight as I can... "

I'm not sure if he's smiling at my answer or at me. I mean what can I answer??? 

"Why? Don't I look straight enough to you. Or did you mean to ask me if I'm straight in some other way?"

I raise one of my eyebrows waiting for an answer and I'm really curious if he wants to start a conversation in this area. I mean ... Seriously!! Don't I look straight???

"Hmm. It's written on your shirt. Streit-og-somethingsomething and I was wondering if you are STREIT". 

"......." (in my mind : FUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK)

Stressed...

Grapes and white chocolate go very well together when you are stressed. Thank God I'm a woman and I will feel guilty "only" tomorrow! Hope skating will minimize the guiltiness! If not, for sure Zumba or Spinning will do miracles! Keep the finger crossed and a positive attitude! And wish me, not to break a leg, but to pass my exam!

Interview!

Story of my life? Arriving late at interviews... 

What happened this time? Two companies with similar names, having the offices close one to the other. Only one of the companies has bigger offices, thus making itself better noticed. 

So imagine me leaving at 11:45 in order to arrive at the interview earlier. Asking for directions and fortunately obtaining them. Starting conversation with a total stranger, just because he is going to help me in my "quest". Not paying attention to my map, instead having a really nice conversation with the Norwegian guy (love this thing about Norway). Arriving at the company 15 minutes early. 

"Can I help you?" the receptionist asked me with a big smile on her face.

"Actually I have an interview at 1 o'clock, but I arrived earlier in order to be sure that I will find the building at the right time. It seems that you are pretty easy to find" I answered smiling back at her (I think my smile was bigger than hers. It sounds creepy, but it actually isn't ... or wasn't... or I hope it wasn't!). 

"Can you tell me the name of the person you have an interview with?"

"Of course... Bla bla.."

"Hmmm.. Can you tell me a last name?"

"Better. I can give you a business card" 

"Hmmm... This is not the company you are looking for"

"...."

"This is another company"

"....."

"The offices of this other company are in the other side of the school"

"...." (in the same time, in my mind ""#¤"#%¤#&#"&/&(/&(& FUUUUUUCCCCCCCCK")

"Hmmmm... here is your card back"

".... have a nice day" (I was still smiling, but it was that awkward stupid smile... like you see on puppies when they piss on the carpet!)

As I was leaving from this office I was looking at my HAND MADE map, in order to see if I can figure out where I am. I was still pretty chilled knowing that if I won't find the offices in time I will call and tell them I am lost. After 10 minutes I reached my phone. I dialed the number pleased that I was smart enough to bring the brochures from the company. Instead of hearing the sound of an outgoing call I hear the Norwegian voice that was probably telling me "Dear Sucker... this is the wrong day to not check your credit on the phone. U're poor! U can't make even one call! Nothing.. MUHAHAHA!!!". I froze. I took a deep breath and after telling myself that I can't miss the opportunity to have an interview with this company I mobilized my energy and my logic... Go back to the bus station. Go back on the previous station. Search for the streets that appear on the map. After 10 more minutes I was on the right track. And after 5 more minutes I found the company. Ieei. 

What can you learn from this : never give up, never stop searching, er.. don't take a hand made map ... and check your credit before going to an interview.

Fuuny? Funny!!!

How can someone forget to be funny? I personally blame it on English, cause in Romanian I am hilarious. In Romanian I can make you laugh about all the non-sense that happened to me. Starting with my great and entertaining love life, to my perfect computer skills and of course, let's not forget about the situations in which I make a total fool out of myself.

One of those situations? I saw at a guy's status on Facebook something like "Miss my J.". If you see that status on someone's wall, what do you think he's talking about? Oh, he misses his girlfriend or his friend, or his sister, or his brother or something like that, no? Well, my first thought was : "I miss my dog too!". And since I am all about first thoughts I opened his chat window and told him I miss my dog too, I can't wait to go home and see it and other clearly love dog related stuff. But after I finished writing the last word, I realized that maybe I'm wrong.. and because I kinda' liked him I tried to cheer things up with: "Hmmm... I hope J is not your nephew or something... cause even if I compare kids with dogs, it would be just wrong to compare your own nephew with my dog... Still dogs are easier to handle than kids! :))) (LNCSCLB - laughing nervously with chances of start crying in a little bit)".

The next one? I am trying to improve my Spanish. So that implies that sometimes when I am with the Spanish people I try to contribute with Spanish words at the conversation. We were talking about drinking and the home made beer we are drinking here in Norway. And I wanted to say that besides beer I like tequila shots. Or something shots. SHOTS! In Romania when you are a bit drunk you are "ciupit" and from a soap opera or who knows what bloody song or video I made the connection between the Romanian "ciupit" and the Spanish "ciupar" and in the middle of the conversation I said that "Me gusta ciupar". Everybody stopped talking and stared at me. Because I didn't like the silence surrounding me, I felt the need to repeat myself and I said again "Que pasa? Me gusta ciupar!". At this second "ciupar" a burst of laughter began. And continued for a while. I laughed only because everybody else was laughing, and just to be sure I was the cause I said "No me gusta ciupar?". I found out later that I was telling everyone that I like to suck... GREAT!!!

Thoughts from the shadows...

Poza luata de aici

She was hearing voices from the next room and she realized that it's time to open her eyes. The white ceiling was staring cruel at her. "Another day of waiting for him... locked into his room". She stretched out her hand hoping that maybe he didn't leave, but he was long gone. With a heavy sigh she closed her eyes. Images of the night that passed were rushing in her head. "Is it all worth this?" she thought while she strained her legs. She had to go to the bathroom, but the people from the next room were still talking. She didn't want to face any of them. Not after all that happened. It wasn't even her fault. All because of that shameless bitch, who started talking about lies and cheating and everything. Why do people care about her life, who is she dating, what is she doing here? Why is she supposed to talk with someone about him? She stopped breathing for a second while the voices moved to the corridor. But no, unfortunately the voices kept on going. She was sick of hiding. She remembered the last conversation she had with her. "I will still talk with you, but don't expect things to be as they were." she said with a chocked voice "I trusted you and you hurt me. I don't care about him. You hurt me!" she continued with a sad smile.
"Sad my ass. Cow! What was she expecting? To rush to her as soon as I slept with him? And tell her what? Excuse me, I slept with the same guy you slept a few weeks ago? And let me tell you he has some magic fingers, uhuuu? Seriously!" She let a growl escape from between her lips and she tightened her fists. "I hate her!"
Suddenly the voices stopped. Did they hear her? She could hear her heart beating and she felt like in a horror movie. The front door opened and she heard a voice saying something and then everybody laughing. She knew it was her. She was in the next room, talking out loud, laughing and surrounded by people. "And I am here. Alone. In the dark. Waiting for him. Is it worth it?"