half half...

I am a true believer. I believe that there is a great soul in each and any one of us, but it's hard to find a good enough reason to show it. I believe that happiness comes with small things. I believe that there is someone for everyone. And I believe that there is a soul mate waiting for you right now... Or is it? We are surrounded by people that forgot how to be patient and they engage themselves into meaningless relationships only because they are scared to be alone.
Today, as I was having a philosophical discussion with myself, I realized that there is a possibility that my "half" gets bored of waiting for a sign from me and gets mixed with a wrong girl. DAMN HIM!! Anyway the problem is, what if he gets serious with this girl, because he is scared that he will never find me? And what happens if he decides to have a kid with this girl and gets married?? What happens with me??
It's a long time since i first start looking for a person to spend my life with (without any luck, of course). I'm not necessarily hunting the married life, but I'm hoping that one morning, many many years ahead, when i will have grey hair and an old face, someone will look at me and say "I'm grateful to wake up with ur face in front of my eyes".
But with all the indulging people around me, who prefer to wait for some feelings instead of going for the feelings, I am afraid that my dream is far away. I understand them on one hand, because it's terrible to wake up in an empty bed, in front of a single cup of coffee. But wouldn't it be more awful if instead of the loneliness u realize one day that u wasted too many years with the wrong person?
Of course, you will argue now the fact that as hunger comes with eating, feelings grow when u try to bond with someone. It's not a peculiar case to fall in love with someone that at first u couldn't stand, but what if by doing so u miss ur one true love? Then again, when u will know who is your true love? In these days when love come and goes so easily. There's no more waiting, feeling, loving with intensity. It's a "this wasn't made to be, let's find another one" or "there's plenty fish in the sea" world and I seriously don't know where I stand.
Message for my half : DON'T GO WASTING MY  FEELINGS WITH SOMEONE ELSE CAUSE YOU WILL DEAL WITH ME!!!

A cuban fairy tale... in a romanian story! ... 2

"I know you from somewhere, but I seem to forget from where..." he tells me with a sweet latin accent, waking me up from my open eyed dreaming. I always heard the expression "having stomach butterflies" but I never had this feeling, until now! (actually i recently had another "stomach butterflies" effect, but probably that's gonna be another failed story for you to read here :))) ). 

"You saved your last dance for me at the salsa party" I answer with a large smile on my face. I always wanted to say this line, since I saw it in "Save your last dance for me"... It was finally time to say it!  MUHAHAHA

"Ah, Yes! I remember you! The Romanian girl!"

OMG! He remembers me!! OMG!! I can't believe that! It's the first time someone remembers me. No, it's the first time someone I really, really like remembers me. Usually the guys are too drunk to remember their names, so my face it's too much of a trouble! But this guy, which from this moment on I will love forever and ever, remembers me! OMG! Of course he didn't see anything from my excitement (thank God for the poor lighting in the clubs!) and all he could hear from me was a very light : "Yes. And you are the Cuban guy."

"Oh, tu puedes hablar espanol, no?"

Damn it. I barely remember how to talk in English when I look into his eyes, Spanish is an impossible thing at the moment. So let's run the tape I usually run when I'm not that confident about my linguistic talent! "Si.. pero no mucho! Si quieres, puedes hablar espanol y yo te puedo contestar en ingles. Understood? I mean.. comprendes?" FUCK!

"Si.. Queria preguntarte, como te llamas!"

Yes, Yes, Yes... He asked me first!! I could say that this is the first time a guy asks me my name. It seems that I am that type of girl that chases guys. Well, it won't happen anymore. From now on! NO MORE!! You hear me?? NOOO MORE!!!

"My name is Cata... Me llamo Cata." Hello.. This is not an idiot! Stop acting like you are talking with a donkey! Chose a language and stick with it!

"Cata.. that's a strange name. From where it comes"

"China. Kata from Karate.. Don't you see my Chinese roots. HAHAHA" OMG.. such a stupid joke! "From Catalina." I say in a serious tone with a big blush on my face. Which he probably didn't see because of the low lights. Again : Thank you God!

"Oh. We have this name in Cuba. I like it very much. My name is ...." and unfortunately, in this moment I heard the beat from one of my favorite R&B songs, so my brain went from "on Cuban" to "on MUSIC"! (And I think he said something like Enrique or Ernesto.. Can't really remember DAMN ME! DAMN ME!!!)

The good thing that came from the song was that my body went from "stick like" to "in the mood". Without realizing my waist was moving in the rhythm of the music and my hands were looking for the Cuban moves which I knew were hiding underneath the guy's suit. It's been a long time since I found someone who can keep up with me. I was used with the guys sitting like stone figures while I was running around them, let's say dancing. But this Cuban. WOW! 

He pulled me close to him and put his hands on my waist, controlling my moves. Of course my hands found his neck and I started touching the skin from the back of the head, his ears, his cheeks. As the song went by, we got closer and closer, my cheeks touched his cheeks, his hands went from my back to my neck, towards my waist, getting under my shirt (no kinky stuff! perverts!hahahaha). The people around us disappeared one by one, until we were alone with the music. The time got slower and slower, and the moves as well. I almost touched his lips and I realized that I really wanted to kiss him. So I raised my head and looked him in the eyes. My heart stopped for a moment. The world stopped in this moment. This was it. One second in an eternity. And a kiss. 

A cuban fairy tale... in a romanian story!

The beat brings waves to my hips and with  my eyes closed I start moving with the rhythm. For the first time since I am here, the Norwegian crowd makes space and I can finally dance freely. Maybe is because I can do it so good when it comes to R&B. Maybe is because the guys told me earlier that I got the moves and now I reached a high level of confidence that everyone can feel. It doesn't matter. I just love to dance R&B!

As I am moving my body, I forget where I am and I get lost in the sounds, until I feel my hand pulled by someone. I turn around and I realize that my face is millimeters away from his face. HIS FACE! I remember why I came on the dance floor even tough I had just bought a beer. I was actually showing Marina the guy who blew my mind at the salsa party. And he is here. And he took my hand. And he is staring in my eyes as we speak. And I can feel his perfume. As a flash I remember the first time I saw him. 

I was for the first time at the salsa party. Oriana told me I would have a great time and even tough I didn't take salsa lessons she was sure that I can dance without any problems. As I was watching everybody dance on the Latin songs I was thinking that there's no way I could ever move like them. Let's take Oriana for example, you can instantly see that she has Latin blood in her veins. She moves like the dancers you can only see in movies. She shines. I could never shine like that. Not for the time being at least. At the request of my friend, one of the guys asked me for a dance and after a few moves he gave it up. Clearly I wasn't made to dance salsa. Or maybe I was made to dance salsa (I'm good at it... I know that) but I wasn't made to be lead by someone. That's for sure.

I was literally getting bored... until HE opened the door and stepped in the small place. My heart stopped for a few seconds. The brown skin, the big brown eyes, the fleshy lips, the black, with a shade of curly, hair ... He was perfect! If somebody would have seen me stare, they would have probably closed my mouth and cleaned the drool that was slowly dropping from it. As the time passed by I was trying to make me noticed, but it was close to impossible since a lot of girls were following him like bees follow their queen. Or fans follow Justin Beiber. Or flies follow... wait, this last one is not a good comparison!Of course, when he started dancing HE WAS UNBELIEVABLE. The confidence, the moves, the style. OMG!!!

Oriana told me something about asking him for a dance and it wasn't a bad idea. But every time I was getting close to him someone was stealing him. It seemed like I was chasing shadows. Or a man who is clearly too much for me. Because let's face it. He was in a place with a lot of beautiful ladies who danced Salsa, Bachata, Merengue and who knows how many other Latin styles. And among those beautiful ladies was me. A simple girl, that feels the moves... and I believe I was more than simple, since I didn't come with my skirt or something, I was wearing my usual jeans, with an usual top... cause I wanted to be comfortable. FUCK ME TENDER 'CAUSE I AM STUPID!!!

As the night passed, I actually danced a lot of salsa with a great dancer (I thank him a lot, cause he realized that leading me wasn't going to make me dance better! instead he lead me but permitted me to make my own moves as well. TUSEN TAKK) but even so, I still was watching my guy from far. As my dancer took 5 to have a glass of water, my guy came near me and for the first time since I saw him he was alone. Actually I think he came here(at the salsa place here.. so u don't get confused) with an older lady, but I am not judging so who cares! So I told myself the line I heard in a movie "Better 20 seconds of bravery than a life time of regret" and off I went towards my Brown guy.
Both of us realized that we knew and liked the song who's bells were clinking in the sound system. With a smile he softly took my hand into his and when the voice of the singer gave the start of the song... OH we danced. I smiled when I realized that he was firmly leading me. To the right, to the left, underneath his hands, in his back. When his hands were touching my back and my shoulders I was feeling my body lighter and lighter, as tough I was flying. I am sure we were perfect together. At least our dance was perfect. I didn't feel clumsy. I just felt the music and his hands. For 3 whole minutes I was the lead dancer of "Dance with me" and I was having near me my man!
Of course, the song ended and so did my perfect world, cause after a short conversation in which he told me he was a cuban (oh, that's why he was so sexy!), he left with the old lady. 
That happened almost one month ago. And now he is here... a few millimeters away from my face!!

To be continued...

Cata ... back in town!

It's been a while since I last wrote my stories here, but with the change of landscapes, i think I lost my sense of humor. Or my mojo. Or my adventurous side. Or just my writing skills. 

Or at least i thought I did, cause tonight, I realized that I really want to share something with the few people that are still reading something here. What do I want to share? Well, what else but my misfortune in the love area. 

I arrived in Romania on the 5th of June. Two days later, with my heart broken (because I miss all my international friends!), I watched the trees passing by, as I was approaching Brasov, my soul city. Seeing my friends, talking with them and being surrounded by the familiar places was supposed to make me feel better, but instead I was sinking in what seemed to be a very bad depression! Until the first clubbing night. 

"I forgot how small this place was" I was thinking while I was sitting in the uncomfortable couch. "And I must have forgotten how the romanian guys looked like" and with a whine I moved my head from the guys sitting on the surrounding chairs at the glass of Tequila waiting quietly for me. 

2 Tequilas and a couple of beers later, my world was a better place. The music was loud, the rhythm was inviting and the people were dancing like minions sent from a cartoon! They clearly needed my professional dance help! HAHAHA!! 

Of course, when I got up from the couch, the floor was moving like it was an earthquake, but who cared? Not me! The YMCA moves required some concentration so I tried not to give a damn about the moving objects around me. Moments later, a guy came and took me for a dance. I was actually glad, cause that meant that I wasn't so unappealing. After the song finished, another guy came to take me for a spin. That was strange. It must have been a good night for me. When the third guy appeared I was shocked! I went to the bathroom to see what the hell was happening to me. Don't get me wrong, I don't see myself the ugly duck or something like that, it was just that I wasn't in my best shape, I was more like a wreck. But still, having guys asking for a dance is kind of good for one's mojo! :D. IUHUUUU!

When I arrived from the bathroom, the guys (yes, all three of them) put me in between them and started dancing with me one after the other. This wasn't the strangest thing. The strangest thing was when each of them tried to kiss me. SERIOUSLY!!! WHAT THE HELL! 

It's not like they were ugly or something. I can't actually tell you that, since I don't remember any of their faces, but seriously... WHAT THE FUCK!! I instantly remembered that I came home with the plan to find my "one true love", "my soul mate" or at least one guy who I can stand and who can stand me and try to share a flat, a bank account and a dog. And I come home to THIS!! Well, they said "Be careful what you wish for" and they were more than right! 

I pushed two of them away without any problems, but the third one was kind of persistent. What could I do. My first weekend here and guys were jumping on me? PERFECT!! Just fucking perfect. My liquor vanished for a few seconds and my mind tried to find a way out of this situation... and that was :

When he pushed his lips towards my head, I turned it and let him kiss my cheek. I took his face with my palms, kissed his cheek as well, gave him a big hug and told him in the sweetest voice ever : "Don't worry, you will find the right person for you soon!", turned and left him standing like a stunned statue in the middle of the dance floor. He probably had his mouth wide open with astonishment... but who cared :P.

Yes, some of you might say that I lost some good opportunities, some others may say that I did very good what I did... I think... that they didn't have what they needed in order to receive my kiss. :P

A new beginning... or is it?

I was running like hell towards the hotel. I really didn't want to be late and I really didn't want to make a bad impression. When I finally reached the gate I was sure that my nightmare was over... until I jumped on the platform and the carpet ran from under my feet. I landed straight into my ass with a cloud of dust surrounding me. With a long sigh I started wondering "How did I end up being stressed over some plates??". And it hit me!
I heard the phone ringing and it seemed like a thunder striking my nerves. Irritated I opened one eye and I fixed it on the phone hoping that during the 2 hours of sleep i developed some super ability that could help me crush the person that called me. Or maybe just the phone. Or maybe I could at least turn off the sound. But no. Nothing happened. I was the same loser I had been before going to sleep. After 10 looong seconds the room was silent once more. Unfortunately, the voices in my head were awake.
Definitely I couldn't sleep anymore. Dizzy, I tried to get out of bed, but a force (called laziness) kept pulling me towards the bed. I stopped trying. Facing the white ceiling the unwanted thoughts came like a tsunami and I realized that tears were rushing on my face again.
"Stop it Cata" I told myself with a firm tone. At the same time, the phone made the message noise. "Saved by the bell"
"MEET ME AT 17:00 DOWNTOWN CAUSE I HAVE A JOB FOR U"
The message was from F's friend. Seriously?? After 1 month he sends me a message??? I actually lost hope. What if it's a prank? Who has a job on Saturday at 5?? It must be something fishy, cause it's too weird.
Of course I had a lot of doubts regarding the job. But if I had to chose between the party (were I was supposed to face my problems) and the risk of being a prank... I would take the risk. I would take 100 risks. I would walk in Romania and come back when I could find my mojo!
At 5, without telling anybody (it wasn't like I was hiding, I just didn't find anybody to tell) I went downtown to meet the guy and with him I entered in a whole new world.

For you!

We pass one by the other like we are strangers. It's been so long since we do that and now I don't even notice him. The first time was the hardest, cause I actually care about all the people I talk with. I cared a little about him too. But now, I can look into his eyes and feel nothing. Not even the shadow of an emotion. We were and we will continue to be strangers.
I start thinking about you. I'm doing that a lot, lately. The yellow sheets, the wet cat and the melted ice cream. It's like my center of tranquility. The last 7 days were some hard days for me, but the thought that I will talk with you by the end of the day was actually helping me get through the long hours, the  bleeding heart and the lack of tears.
A voice from my headphones brings me back to reality. I can understand clearly what she is saying. "Como me duele". A node is stuck intro my throat. I have two choices from this moment : to start crying here, in front of everybody, or to take a deep breath and put a smile on my face. It is said that having a smile on your face brings other smiles. It's really hard to smile when you don't want to. But even so, I start with a fake smile. It won't take long until the moment I meet one of them, and they will make me smile. I am sure about that.
Thank you.
Iti multumesc si tie in dulcele grai romanesc. Nu doar pentru ca ma asculti. Ci pentru ca imi vorbesti atunci cand tac.
Si nu doar tie. Ci si lor, pentru ca si ele sunt undeva, acolo. Si nu doar lor. Multumesc!

Pondering...

Do you believe in karma? The whole make one bad thing, receive worse bad thing back? Well, I really believe in karma. I mean the bad karma, at least. Each time I think about doing something bad, I reflect a bit about the consequences. Usually that stops me from actually doing the bad thing, so you should understand from this that I am a bad thinker :))). 

Anyway, besides karma (or maybe it's inside the "karma rules" hand-book, don't really know) I believe in receiving with one hand, and giving with the other. At every good you receive, at the next corner something bad awaits. This rule applies for my "love" life.

Let's imagine me in a normal night. Hanging out with my friends. Drinking, having fun. A guy, let's call him M, sits next to me and starts talking with me. After a quick look I apply the tag "not my type" and I ignore him. I think this is the moment when, in guys, the "Challenge accepted" plan is on. And probably in girls too. Definitely in girls too. M at seeing me uninterested of his person, starts paying attention at my conversation with the others. He finds a window in the conversation and he contradicts what I have to say. Who can refuse a debate? WHO?? (P.S : my friends know very well that I love debates. Especially when I know I'm right :p)

From a debate to a kiss it's not such a long distance ...Actually it's a very long distance, but somewhere in our talk I realized that the guy wasn't such a waste. But let's not focus on that..  So by the end of the night, with the help of a few beers, me and MR are walking in the park, kissing, holding hands, all the bullshit that u find in love stories. Happy Happy Joy Joy. 

The next morning, the guy calls me and he tells me that he had a really nice night, that he really wants to see me again, bla bla bla. We settle a meeting after I finish work. Being the karma believer that I am, I was waiting the entire day for a thunder to strike me. Or an earthquake to kill me. Or maybe a choke to death sequence. Something. But no, the day was really quiet. I didn't get fired. I wasn't hit by a car. I didn't fell on the stairs. I really had a normal day. 

But, karma had something nice planed for me... Oh, karma. She's not cruel with me, she's just a bitch! In the evening I was on my way to meet the guy. I was feeling tired, but at remembering the night that passed I was excited at the same time. Excited is a really soft word, cause I get beyond excited when something good happens. I mean I think about that good all day, all night. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't do anything 100%. I think and over think and remember and over remember and I see the good thing until the karma slaps the hell out of me!

So now I just have to open the door to see him. He waits for me and I can see that he is a bit nervous. I take a deep breath and I go outside. He looks towards me. And the very next second I see at him the face "Damn, this is definitely NOT the top-model I was with last night". Or maybe it's called "Fuck you, beer!". Or "I will never drink again. EVER!". If you know it's name (the face's name, not my date's name!), feel free to share it! I'm sure you felt it or seen it at least once. Anyway, my excitement was flushed down the drain, and even if I was wrong regarding his reaction, without my excitement I had nothing to do with him. We had a boring night. With a boring conversation. With a boring good bye. So ... thank you karma! Or maybe thank you, my excitement. Or maybe, thank you brain. Either way, I'm hopeless!