A story about you...

There was a time, long ago, when I had a heart. A heart that felt every ray of sunshine, whisper of wind and drops of morning dew, a heart good enough to be given. And then... you came along. 

This is not the story of how I lost my heart, in an already lost battle. This is not a love story, but it's a story about love. True love it is said to come only once in a life time. What happens if it comes in the perfect moment for one, but at a wrong one for the other?

John was trying to convince me to go at the concert. I think he thought it was the perfect moment to come out of the closet. No, he wasn't gay, but he had feelings for me and he wanted to use the concert to reveal everything. I was a bit humored by his sweetness. Even so, I was used with his presence every day. He was one of the few people that accepted me as I was. Mean and ironic. 

I remember the first time we met. I was going to ask my sister for an advice concerning an exam I had that afternoon. She was near her colleagues and John was one of them. As I asked my sister's help, he came along and told me all that I needed to do in order to pass the exam. Instead of thanking him, I raised and eyebrow and told him in a very disgusted tone "Did anybody ask you anything? Could you mind your own business, please? ". He dropped his mouth and left without any other words. Thanks to what he told me I passed my exam. Then and there I realized that he was well intended. But that didn't mean I was any less meaner with him. And I think he kinda liked me for that. 

"Please Cata, let's go. I know you like the bands, I know you like the crowd... why would you stay home? Let's go!!"

"If you wouldn't beg as much, probably I would go, but with a whiner I don't feel that safe!" I was telling him laughing at his sweet tone.

"Cata, stop joking around. Would you feel better if I'd hit you with a bat and dragged you at the concert?"

"There isn't a brave enough bone in your entire body to hit me. I have better chances to trip over something and hit my head!! " and as I finished my sentence I started pinching him hard. 

He started laughing as soon as I touched his skin. I think I always gained points with my pinching. It didn't matter how mad he was over whatever I said, every time I pinched him he was laughing. 

"Come on, Cata!!" he was saying in between the laughs "Stop it!".

He caught my hands tightly and steadied me like I was made of rags. He moved his face near mine and looked me deeply in the eyes. I could feel my heart beat and as I was looking back into his big brown eyes I felt something else. Instead of kissing me, he used one of his hands to pinch me and the moment was gone. 

We started a war and after hitting him lots of times with a pillow I realized that I don't want to stay home.

Sistemul de asigurare romanesc : Incredibil... dar adevarat!!

Fac parte din generatia filmelor americane. Am crescut o data cu democratia in tara noastra, invatand treptat, sa ma obisnuiesc cu beneficiile unei tari in continua dezvoltare. De la inghetata fara gust, la desenele animate prea putine, la leii grei, am descoperit alaturi de multi altii felurite sortimente de inghetata, fructele exotice, ItaliaUno cu Sailor Moon si Inspector Gadget, dolarii, euro. Dupa ce citesc randurile de mai sus, realizez ca dezvoltare este un cuvant care ar trebui pus intre ghilimele, deoarece produsele noi aparute pe pietele romanesti nu inseamna ca tara este mai productiva si infloritoare, deoarece valorile si cultura romaneasca sunt intr-o continua decadenta. Un sentiment de tristete ma cuprinde cand ma gandesc ca generatia noastra este ultima generatie ce poate sa mai aprecieze cartile, jocurile de cuvinte si viata. Viata la teatru, opera, plimarile, jucatul sahului in parc...

As putea scrie pagini intregi despre ce as vrea schimbat in Romania, in lume, insa vorbele, din pacate, nu mai ating pe nimeni, motiv pentru care o sa fac ce stiu mai bine, si anume sa povestesc o intamplare tragico-comica.

In urma cu aproape 2 ani, imi pregateam de zor plecarea spre Norvegia (mai aveam 4 zile pana la marea "decolare"). Printre actele necesare se numara si cardul european de sanatate. Cat de greu sa fie sa obtin unul? Mai ales cand sunt studenta si plec cu studiile? Ei bine, in momentul in care esti studenta sub 26 de ani, este foarte usor, insa o daca esti studenta sub 26 de ani cu un loc de munca prin care ti-ai platit darile la stat, nu mai este atat de usor. TOTUL SE COMPLICA!

"Bine, bine, si asta inseamna ca eu nu pot primi card de sanatate european, ca sa plec cu bursa de studii in afara?" intreb vadit iritata de tonul cu care mi s-a transmis ca nu mi se poate face card, deoarece nu mai am loc de munca si in 3 luni urmeaza sa fac 26 de ani, caz in care nu pot fi asigurata prin faptul ca sunt studenta.

"Ba cum sa nu, dar va trebui sa achitati direct din buzunarul d-voastra plata asigurarii inainte de a vi se elibera cardul"

"PAI DE CE!! MAI AM 3 LUNI PANA IMPLINESC 26 ANI!!! Sa inteleg ca in momentul in care mi-am dat demisia de la munca, desi sunt inca studenta, am ramas neasigurata??"

"Eu as putea sa va fac un card de sanatate valabil pe 3 luni, pe asigurarea de stat."

"Doamna. Va rog. Sa ne intelegem. Eu am nevoie de o asigurare valabila pe 6 luni, pentru a-mi putea depune actele acolo. Nu pot ocoli sistemul, nu le pot spune ca in Romania nu mi se acorda o asigurare mai mare de 3 luni, deoarece dupa 26 de ani, daca esti student, esti debil la cap. Pentru ca altfel nu imi explic ce scuze ar exista sa nu ti se mai asigure minimul de siguranta medicala."

"Domnisoara, nu eu fac legea..."

"Doamna, nu ma cert cu d-voastra. Nu ma ajuta la nimic. Va rog doar sa imi spuneti cum as putea obtine un card european de sanatate. Evident, darile la stat platite pana la momentul actual nu ma ajuta cu nimic. Asa ca va rog, un sfat, o indrumare. CEVA!"

"Singurul meu sfat este sa va platiti asigurarea din mana. Astfel va pot face cererea pentru cardul respectiv"

"Ok". Desi aveam un chef monstruos de a o parui, nu neaparat pe ea, ci legea asta tampita, am hotarat sa ma gandesc la telul cu care am intrat la casa de asigurari. Si anume : sa plec cu nenorocitul ala de card. Am lasat-o sa isi faca treaba. 

Dupa 10 minute de tastat, intrebat si raspuns, respectiva dudie imi intinde o foaie A4, scrisa in romana si imi spune pe un ton cald 

"Avand in vedere ca d-voastra plecati in 4 zile, va vom da acest document, pentru a-l prezenta autoritatilor pana la primirea cardului. Cardul va veni la d-voastra acasa in 2 saptamani."

Ma uit catre dansa, ma uit catre foaie, mai citesc o data, extrem de clar, frazele si o intreb cu o privire naiva

"Dar... sunteti sigura ca acesta este documentul pe care il pot prezenta autoritatilor norvegiene?" apasand destul de rar si grav pe literele cuvantului "norvegiene".

"Cum sa nu."

"Dar... acest document e in romana" ii spun la fel de naiv ca prima oara.

Se vedea ca i-am pierdut destul de mult timp si nervi doamnei in cauza, pentru ca raspunsul a venit cu un ton superior si final.

"Domnisoara, nu sunteti nici prima, nici ultima persoana care are nevoie de un asemenea document. Nu este prima si ultima oara cand il completez. Evident ca va puteti folosi de el, deoarece codul de aici este cel important. Va multumesc si o zi buna."

Si uite asa, cu bagajele facute si "cardul meu european" de sanatate am plecat spre Norvegia.

Deal with the Devil...

The day in which i lost my soul is a sad day for the humanity, because since then you all feel the emptiness that surrounds you! But hey, let's not jump the big story behind this event!!

If u would have known a bit of Romanian, you would have read by now that I tend to give our Great Lord some good old funny stand-up comedies shows. And not just Him, I bet that He gathers all the angels when he plans something for me, cause who doesn't enjoy a group laughter? WHO?

So, I was having a crush on a high school colleague and I took the wrong decision to borrow him my math notebook, at the back of which I draw some really top art drawings of my name. At which I added his name. So it was actually looking more like a ... whole name. Like, my first name had his last name. LAME, I KNOW! But even so, he didn't seem to notice me, so I decided (a bad decision, once again) to take things to the next level. Oh, God is gonna have a good laugh when I'll remind Him about this.
If the guy doesn't have the courage to tell me that he likes me, I will squeeze that out of him. Or maybe give him some hints about the fact that i liked him (because maybe the drawings weren't a hint enough). I wasn't as franc as I am now. Now i really don't care about the answer, so I tend to skip the part where I pretend to wait for someone to like me and i start liking that someone even if it's a stupid thing to act as.
So, 10 years ago, we had a thing called radio(for all of you with ipad, iphones and other gadgets, remember that our radio was a big BOX). And not just any radio, but a radio trough which we lived, loved, listened everything. Oh, the original tapes I ruined, just to record some wannabe big song. Wow! And the best part? Everybody was listening the same thing (we barely had 2 or 3 music radio channels) so if you wanted to dedicate something to someone, it would have been listened by all the town. What better way to tell a guy that you liked him? No? Armed with a nice text i took the phone in my room, i dialed the radio's number and I waited for someone to pick. Catrinel told me that it's a red line and I should consider myself a very lucky person if I get to talk with someone. Well, unfortunately for me, I was very lucky. It ringed once and I heard a voice at the other line 

"Hello? Can I hear your dedication?"

"Hello. I... I.... I would like to chooce one song for ... I ... (choke)" I said in a very i.want.to.sound.calm.but.i'm.sure.i'm.not voice.

"Sweety, does your mum know that you are using her telephone?"

"?!?!?! What?" (I was almost 16, what the F@#%$#^)

"Do you want a song for your mommy? Sweety? Are u still there?"

"Yes. And no, i don't want a song for my mommy! (or do I??!?!?!). I would like to dedicate a song for Z... from this high school, and I would like to tell him that someone has a crush on him... Aaa.. and i would like the song to be Bla "

"Uuuu ... little girl is in love? What did u say your name was, sweety?"

"I'M NOT A LITTLE GIRL!!! I AM 16!!! And... can the dedication be anonymous? PLEASEEEEEE.."

"Oh sweety, u're so cute!!! I could eat you all up!! And u have such a nice voice. If u want it anonymous, it will be anonymous. HAHAHAHA"

"Ufff...Thanks!"

After hanging up I had some not worth mentioning words towards the person i talked with, being grateful tough that the conversation wasn't live. The day passed without any big events, the night came and the morning as well.
From the first moment I stepped into my classroom,  I knew something is fishy. It was too quiet. For a class filled with 21 loud guys, you could actually hear the flies. And that couldn't be ok, especially for a 10am class.
"Hello?", one of the guys tells me gently.
"Hello" I answer doubtfully.
Another guy starts humming the song Bla.
Another one : "Can I ... Can I ... Can I hear your dedica..." and he stops, cause a burst of laughter gets out his mouth.
My subconscious tries to tell me something, but I am too lost to hear it.
Two guys start to sing out loud the Bla song and another says into a show voice "The little girl in love would like to offer this song for Z"
OH MY GOD. As my brain finally gets the signals, its too late. My classroom seems like a bad cover of the radio show in which I am the main character. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!!
"It was live?" I hear my soft voice, as the question gets out of my mouth.
"GUYS, GUUUUYS!! SHE DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS LIVE" more laughs from my colleagues. "LITTLE GIRL DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS LIVE" "Should we call your mommy??"
FUCK!!!
This went on until the teacher came. And after that in all the breaks from that day. And the entire week. And the week that passed. It seemed like the whole school listened that fucking live. Except Z. He was the only one that didn't hear anything. And the people who later told him the story, left out the part in which he was the crush.
So guys... never chose to tell someone you have some kind of feelings for them without checking first if they will hear it.

This is love!

As I open my eyes, I see the sunshine lighting up the white wall in front of me. I feel the weight of your arm on my waist and I am grateful that the past night wasn't a dream. My back is a perfect match with your shoulder line and my body feels like he found its missing piece. We are surrounded by a peaceful silence and my heart is filled with a belonging sensation. I belong to you and with you. I turn and put my face in the crack of your neck. As the scent of you conquers my nostrils, I remember your kisses and the softness of your lips. I close my eyes. If only life would stop now, at this moment, at us.
Your soft breath touches my forehead and your heart beat brings sweet music in my ears. I open my eyes again and raise my head to face your beautiful lips. A strand of hair is raising from your head and it looks perfect. The sun draws the lines of your head and it feels like in a fairytale. If only it would last forever.
You move your hand and gently squeeze me closer to you. A shadow of a smile appears on your face, because you know that I am already up, looking at you.
"I love your beautiful green eyes. And they are watching me. Since when, I wonder?" you slowly say as you open your eyes. I am waiting for my good morning kiss, but instead of touching my lips, you plant a kiss on top of my head. On my forehead. On my nose. I am finally staring in the blue ocean of your eyes and I see myself in them. I see a peaceful, sincere and innocent human, that truly loves you. Because yes, this is love. You finally kiss my lips and I know for sure it is love. This is love.

Old and grumpy!

Sometimes people get stuck in different fazes of their lives and they don't even realize it... and sometimes they get stuck trying to stay out of the fazes that might mean stability and closure and they turn out old grumpy scarecrows, who are too sick of life and of its downsides. I think i belong to the second kind. YEAH!! I think I will be that old lady who scares children and is always in mood for a fight... SO BEWARE!!

I don't know when, but someway along the road I refused to settle down. Maybe it was when my first real attempt of a boyfriend told me he really liked me. I got so scared, that instead of telling him that i really liked him back, i told him that i actually wanted to stop. Of course, in this moments I lie to myself, trying to find sorrowful excuses. "He was too short/thin/small/trustworthy(well, we find all sorts of stupid excuses when we really need too)". I still wonder what would have happened if I would have hugged him. I might have crushed him because he really was tinnier than me. 

Or maybe I lost my hope for settlement when the second boyfriend i had told me he wants a grown up relationship. Meaning?!?! Well, a relationship were we act like grownups and we don't wait for things to happen, and we do things that grownups do. If some guy would sell me the same candies today, I would answer him very genuinely, probably looking at him naively, "Are you, by any chance, talking about sex? ??".

Or maybe it was when I tried to have a conversation with a sober guy and he didn't react at all, but after 5 beers he couldn't stop talking about himself? And at the ending of his monologue he told me our date was awesome and we should really do "this" again? 

Oh, and let's not forget about the guy whom I thought was perfect for me and it turned out that he wasn't actually looking for a "half". Even tough he was looking for a slimmer, taller, big lipped "half"? Hey, you can't have friendship and relationship at the same time. To many "ships" to sale!!

Of course, I am to be blamed too. Since I talk a lot (especially when I am nervous), I am arrogant and superficial in many cases, and let's not forget that I tend to be ironic and sarcastic whenever something doesn't go as I plan it. But, due the fact that I am woman, it's never my fault!!!

So why will I end up a grumpy old lady? It's only because of the men I date!!! :)))

It wasn't the time...

She was looking challenging at him as she was waiting for his answer. If he would have known her better, he would have seen behind her cooky look the fright of the moment. She was acting like this in her most fearful situations. When she was small, even tough she was really afraid of the thunder, she hugged her brothers in the middle of the storm and told them she's there to protect them and if the thunder would come in the house she would kick its ass. She was terrified. Inside. But outside she had a kinky smile and a confident look. It always worked.

Now she was waiting for her thunder and there was no one around to protect her. Except him. As if she was having an almost death experience, she was in the middle of their first conversation, after that she saw her rejection towards him, a long pause and their first kiss, their first everything.  A frame who collected all the moment of her relationship. All ended up here. The longer she was waiting, the more convinced she was about the answer. It wouldn't take that long to say yes. It wouldn't take that long to take her hands and kiss her. All the seconds that passed meant only buts and reasons gathered for a denial. Who was she kidding.There aren't actually happy endings. Just respect and a fear of loneliness. Oh, that damn fear of being alone. It finally got to her.

She was sick of seeing happy couples, families with kids and love everywhere! When she went shopping there were at least three couples holding hands and giggling about stupid stuff. If only she would have liked the holding hands part. But even that got on her nerves. It was time to have something. It was time to stop fooling around and start something serious. 

"Do you want us to commit into a real relationship?" was the awful question that came out of her mouth 30 seconds ago. And since then he was quiet. He was looking into her eyes, but she knew that he was somewhere out of this world. She might have ruined everything for them. What was with that feeling of hers? Wasn't she happy with this situation? Why would she need something more? She doesn't want kids, she doesn't want to see him more or talk more then they already do. She actually doesn't want anything changed. But... She wants one simple answer. An unwritten promise for a better tomorrow. The assurance that they won't give up at their first fight. Or that they won't look around for other partners when things might get nasty.Or maybe this sort of approval would allow her to feel. Maybe she won't be afraid to love anymore.

"I can't now..." he started what surely would have been a long strain of empty words.

She raised her hand and put it to his mouth as she felt her heart splashing into pieces. She didn't need any reasons. She didn't want any reasons. Usually tears would have filled up her eyes, but somehow, she was empty. She gave him a hug and turned away. What was suppose to become the perfect beginning turned out to be a sour ending. It wasn't the time for her to love again. After a few steps tears finally came. It wasn't the time for her to love again. It wasn't.

A cuban fairy tale.. in a romanian story : Dream gone bad

Since this is not the story : how i got married to a cuban guy, of course something went totally wrong! I always had a curiosity about kissing international people and the Cuban kiss was in top 5 best kisses in the world. At least in my mind, cause the reality ....
A kiss that is supposed to be one of my best kisses, turns out to be a "face wash". His tongue seems to have forgotten that i have a mouth and attacks all the holes of my face!!! My nose, my eyes, a bit of my mouth, this guy is licking all my face!! Damn it! Damn all the movies that make me wanna chase someone, cause if this is how everything adds up, then i'm totally cursed!! Ok, I think i had enough of this face wash, so I turn around and take a deep breath. I'm not sure on how I will get rid of this guy or get out of this situation, but I surely need some air and probably a pack of tissues. I feel his hands searching for body parts and I ask for a salvation. An earthquake, a tremendous storm, the end of the world, ANYTHING!! He makes a sudden move and somehow turns me around. I think i have the  look of a "deer in a trap", cause instead of jumping on my face again he stops and pets my hair. Although I should cease the moment and run, I stare deeply in his eyes. There's something about him that I can't understand. He has this big brown eyes, warm and clear. As if we were for the first time face to face, in the most silent and peaceful place in the world, he slowly reaches my face and gently kisses me.
Oh my GOD!! This is how I dreamed of this!! He concentrates on my mouth, and his full lips capture my lips in a sweet dungeon. I stand on my toes and as if someone turns on the speakers, I start hearing the music surrounding us, louder and louder. As the rhythm grows around us, his kiss is more passionate and more hard. Fortunately he doesn't leave the "safe area" and I'm beginning to feel really lustful. Oh he's so hot! If I wouldn't know better, I would get him naked about now! Damn u people!! DAMN U!! We go into a corner without stopping the kiss. How long is it? 10 min? 30? It feels like forever and still not enough. I don't even feel the need to breath, I just want to kiss him over and over again.
"Quieres ir a mi casa? Que nos pasamos bien hay" he says with short breaths. "OH HELL YES" screams my lonely, bitter self, who didn't go out on a date since ... eternity. Come on, there is a chapter in a scrap book saying that you should "make love" (not my words, i swear!!) with an international guy. This is my opportunity!! Love not war!!
FUCK!! If only I wouldn't be in Norway. The most expensive country in Europe. On my high heels!! Without any money in my pocket. On a Saturday night, when I have to work SUNDAY!! AT 7AM!! I look at my heels and quickly think at the possibility of working in them all day. PAINFUL! Ok ,what are the chances he lives in a near place? I think he said he lives in the south of Stavanger. Shit, that's still really far.
"Seriously, let's get out of here, and go to my place" he says waking me up from my day dreaming. He plants a strong kiss on my lips and I am tempted to say yes. Actually I was tempted without this last kiss. I look at him and think that this is my only chance to be with a guy like this. Even tough he wears a white suit (not my thing at all!)
"Where do u live?" I ask him taking his hand and wrapping my fingers around it.
"Near Sandnes, we can take a cab until there"
Punch in the stomach!!! No way I can make it from there without a taxi!! I think he sees the despair in my eyes, cause he gently pushes me into the wall, he lifts my arms and whispers in my year "Que paso? Todo bien?"
NO,NO,NO!! Can u be any more hotter?? He kisses me and he touches me as if I was a baby doll. Ok, not my dolls, cause they ended up headless, someone else's dolls!! Ok, I will go with him. I will definitely go with him!!
Like in a bad Cinderella movie, the lights turn on and the DJ says cheerfully that it's time for us to move the party in our own places. Enrique (or Ernesto ?!?!?!) takes my hand and tries to make space in the crowd that is pushing trough the doorway. As I look at the people around us, I see my friends a couple of meters away and without realizing it, I let go of the hand that holds me. Somehow I am sure that he must be behind me. As I reach my friends and turn around I realize that no one followed me. I lost him.
A small part of me hopes that he is at the door waiting for me. But he isn't. I really lost him!